An Ugly Post

I realized the other day that I only post happy shiny pictures and report about happy shiny days. So, here is an ugly post about something that I have seriously been struggling with since we moved to Vegas. Charlea was always a dream sleeper. She started sleeping completely through the night when she was 2 months old. most of the time she would fall alseep at 7PM and wake up at 7AM, giving me so much time to myself. No diapers, no breastfeeding, no fussyness, I actually took out all my fabrics and sewing stuff and just spent a few hours at night on sewing and playing... by myself! haha! Since we moved here Charlea has been going to sleep at 8:30 at the earliest, sometimes later and waking up 3+ times at night wanting to eat or be held or just to fuss. I tried to feed her, I tried rocking her, I tried changing her diaper, I even tried a humidifier and different sleeping clothes, but nothing would make her sleep but being in bed with Tyson and I. So not only was I loosing my alone time after she goes to bed, but I'm loosing sleep and my place in bed!! I know that the baby wanting to be in our bed was the beginning of VERY VERY bad habit... one that would be hard to break. Nights have become extremely frustrating for me and I find myself loosing my patience with my sweet baby. No matter how many times I sort of push her over towards Tysons side of the bed and roll over, she still smiles at me in the morning. Ugh, she is soo sweet! The past three days we have decided to let her "cry it out". In case you don't know what that is... we just let her cry in her crib until she falls asleep. Oh god, it has been so awful. The first night she went to bed at 8:30 and woke up at 3AM fussing. I got her out of the crib and nursed her until she kinda got full and fell asleep. I picked her up and put her in her crib and pretty much immediately she woke up and started fussing. I knew she wanted to be in bed with us and I knew that if I gave in, she would fall asleep right away. I didn't give in and 20 minutes later her fussing turned into a full on scream. I got up and patted her chest shushing her a little and then walked away and got back into bed. The scream kept on for another hour and 10 minutes. I got up every 15 minutes or so to pat her and let her know that I was still there. The last 20 minutes I just cried into my pillow along with her. It was the worst I felt since October 22 2009. Even my husbands kisses and reassurance that this was the only way... wouldn't make me feel better. Even though my baby cried more that night than she ever had, she still smiled so big when I finally took her out of the crib to be with Tyson and I at 6AM. Oh.... her smiled melted me a little more than usual that morning... she still loved me. The next night wasn't much better but she cried a little less. Only an hour and 15 minutes this time... Again I shared her tears. Last night was the best yet and I really feel good about almost nipping this habit in the butt!

We are buying a rocking chair today!! I think that was pretty much the reason the habit started. I left the rocking chair in Cali and so I had nowhere to sit should she wake up to nurse, so I would bring her to bed with me and a lot of the time we would both fall asleep. So I am looking forward to getting this rocking chair... no more bad habits for us!!

PS. Just for the record. I love the ugly days too, they are beautiful in their own way. They are life.

I had to add a couple of happy shiny pictures to this Ugly Post, sorry! You try to find an Ugly picture of Charlea!!!