Incase your not familiar with the life of an aspiring artist, it usually consists of little sleep (check), little food (no comment), little money (its been ok) and little daylight (i only see it before i go to sleep and before i leave to work).
Lately ive been trying to get on the production line as far as artwork and really start putting stuff out that im proud of and of course generates more income. Id say for the last month ive really hit a wall and Im not producing the kind of work i see myself putting out at this point in my life and career, if you wanna call it that.
So to just stop myself from chopping my right hand off i put down my scribbles and dressed Charlea up, straight after a long nap, to walk to the store and get some things to make brownies. Not 'cause i wanted the comfort food but because i thought it'd be good to go for a walk, get some fresh air and treat Charlea to some baking lessons via non inspired Daddy.
Its funny how you get caught up in what you think is priority
and what you think needs to happen according to this arbitrary timeline you set for yourself. I read in an article by an aritst i admire, and im paraphrasing here, that inspiration and knowledge comes in waves and cycles for a reason. You take what you learn in the moments of inspiration and then use the down time to put those things into practice. I thought it made so much sense then and now i see ive lost the meaning. Or maybe ive applied this thought to my life and it just makes even more sense.
Of course leave it to my 2 year old daughter to, unknowingly, remind me to take a breath. Here i am trying to rush to the store with Charlea in tow for the sake of taking it easy and im tugging everytime she starts to "lag". Then right when im about to turn back and scold her i turn to see her reaching with all shes got toward a patch of flowers and then it just hits me like a ton of bricks. Instant sensory overload. I start to smell the cold in the air and the flowers my daughter wants so bad. I can hear birds flying by and the wind past my hood. i can see the sun slowly setting creating beautiful blues, violets and yellows (no reds yet it was still early). Yes, i understand how cheesy this sounds and maybe it was just my stuffy nose clearing right at
that moment (ive been sick) but whatever it was it made me chill the F out.
Call this a mini epiphany if you want but i love how the innocence of a child, especially your own, can really put you in check sometimes. Here i am trying to be calm and i think im taking my daughter out for a break and i still cant get crap out of my mind. All the while shes just trying to point out a lady bug or flower to daddy. Or she wants to take a couple minutes to stomp puddles because they're so amazing to her. Or she just wants to ask daddy what a pot hole is, or a curb or a bumper or a window or a bus stop or what a panther is doing on a street sign (random).
My little beautiful Charlea reminded me of what that artist may have meant in that article. Right now is a down time period in my artistic cycle and i just need to enjoy what ive learned thus far. I dont need to reinvent myself, i just need to chill, enjoy and create naturally.
Needless to say shes put things in to perspective for me and made me really realize my priorities. And priority 1, next to being a great Dad and Husband, is picking out the best flower for my daughter on our LEISURELY walk home from wherever. -Dad
Recent pictures of Chuck (i didnt have a camera on our journey a la siddartha to 711)