Monday, January 23, 2012

Compromise

I kinda lost a friend the other day. I mean, I definitely lost them once and I tried my hardest to get them back... we both did I think. Long story short, it wasn't copasetic to their spouse that they remain friends with me. The only reason this friend gave me that semi made sense was "marriage is compromise". That sentance, which I originally nodded to and though "ok I have to respect that", now has me thinking.

What is compromise? It is NOT doing what you think right for the sake of someone else who thinks what they want is right. Isn't then an important step to a great marriage to never compromise at all? I mean, I compromise all the time with Tyson. Just yesterday, Tyson wanted greasy mexican food and I knew it would be better if we got a light sandwich or salad, but there was no convincing him. Maybe I didn't try very hard ;) but still, I came home with carne asada against my better judgement. Compromise. I think it is very important to compromise on the little things, but it is perhaps more important to never compromise on the important things. Things such as family, values, friendship....

Instead of compromise, you communicate. You thoughtfully listen to each others reasons. You carefully weigh your options. If you have done a good job at choosing a partner that shares your views and beliefs, then after talking it through you'll probably find yourselves in a place where one of you will realize that they are less right than the other. Make sense?

After only 3 years of marriage, I am by no means an expert. But I feel lucky to be in a relationship where compromise on the big stuff isn't necessary.

This friend that I lost? One of two things can be true about them. 1. They compromised and in turn allowed themselves to be dominated by someone who is suppose to be their equal. Or 2. They didn't care enough about our friendship to communicate their belief that keeping my friendship is more right than breaking it. I guess it doesn't matter which case is true... because the fact of the matter is the same for both... There is no place in my life for her, and there is no place in her life for me. And that is ok. When I was reading the "break-up" e-mail, my eyes filled with little tears, but a smile stayed on my face. I took a second to remember the good times I spent with this friend and how much I loved them. Then, before I could let a tear fall, I closed my laptop, got up from the couch and walked to my firstborns room where my sweet husband was reading her a book. I snuggled up beside them with my little cheyne in my arms and thought: I have one less friend in my world, but my life is still full :)

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